Speaking from the heart:Why Good People Stay in Unhealthy or Toxic Relationships.

Most individuals have been in toxic partnerships at any one time in their lifetime. More often than not, it comes as a shock when a person seeks to determine just how long they have suffered a toxic relationship. Sometimes, it results in developing a question like ‘Why did I remain in the relationship for this long?’ For others, it may not be ignorance but fear and other emotional issues that make them stay in these positions. This article is aiming to explain why good people may end up in these unhealthy relationships; there might just be a way out.

Reasons Why Good People Stay in Toxic Relationships

Fear of Being Alone

I believe that possibly the worst reason why some individuals remain in abusive relationships is because of fear. A lot of people think that being with someone is better than being alone.” This fear can be a result of low self-esteem, where people believe they do not deserve any better. Perhaps it is better to remain in a toxic, unhealthy relationship than to try to figure out how it feels to be single. However, being in a toxic relationship is probably as lonely because emotional needs are not fulfilled.

Attachment Wounds

There is growing evidence supporting the observation that secure or ‘earned’ attachments contribute to the challenges of letting go of a toxic partner. Chronic caregivers also learn to develop insecure attachments because of the erratic nature of the caregiver; hence, they end up in a relationship where the partner provides the same feelings. That’s why it can be rather comforting, even if everything points to it being destructive for the relationship. Ending such a relationship may be a burden, causing anxiety and resistance since it is like losing such a lifeline. Anxious adult attachment type is typically characterized by challenges in ending a relationship that may be toxic.

Investment of Time and Energy

Another reason why people stay in such toxic relationships is the sunk- cost fallacy. This is a situation that people are in where they don’t want to leave a situation because they have already invested substantial time into it. It is always overwhelming to have a fresh start. Despite the fact that the relationship may be toxic, shallowness keeps people chained by the avoidance of losing what they have.

Holding Onto Hope

A lot of people expect their partner to transform over time. Some of them may hold the initial thought that the so greatly desired improvement of the relationship can be achieved only with the increase of time and effort. It makes them close their eyes to whatever their partner may be doing wrong. It is an indication that when one gets fixated on this, they may ignore signs of some abusive person and end up living on a few embraces instead of an intimate relationship. This can lead to an extended time of dissatisfaction and anguish.

Relationship Status Dependency

It is also common for cultures and social environments to forward the idea of linking one's worth to being in a relationship. For some people, it means being in a relationship is equal to being validated. It may be attributed to the fact that some women believe that single motherhood is equivalent to failure in life. This mindset will ensure that they do not make appropriate choices that will help them leave those unhealthy relationships. Realizing that one’s worth is not defined by a partner is important in the process of personal development.

Loss of Identity

The other reason why good people stay in toxic relationships is the loss of identity. If a person has been in a relationship for several years, they may actually forget who they are not in that relationship. Such loss can lead to the development of passive-dependency factors, which make it difficult to exit. For other people, it is difficult to realize they have problems understanding who they are as individuals when in a relationship because they may perceive themselves as existing only as halves of a whole.

Emotional Abuse

Despite being an emotional type of abuse, the partner may use manipulative behavior in order to keep control. These people often feel confused and have lost touch with their gut feeling. It makes the victims doubt themselves and question their sanity as if they are going insane. Consequently, they get convinced that they are at fault and not the relationship. This cycle of doubt and blame will only put good people in an unhealthy situation.

Photo by Vera Arsic:

Conditioning to Over-Function

Persons who were raised in dysfunctional homes will probably have identified with the role of caregiver or moderator. Such conditioning can result to over-functioning in relationships , where for instance, one feels that they have to sort out their partner regardless of the damages it may cause to one-self. It might help them identify love with oppression, which makes them think that they have to struggle for the couple to get love. This mindset fosters more unhealthy patterns and actually makes it difficult to sever and heal.

Final Words

Understanding why good people remain in bad situations is important for understanding how such relationships may be overcome. It is crucial for people to comprehend that true value cannot be evaluated by the presence of a partner or the time given to such a person. It’s important to speak about these emotions to friends, family members, or other professionals to get proper orientation in decision-making.

If you or someone you know is in a toxic relationship, protecting yourself starts with seeking help from someone. Looking for help is one of the important effective actions when the person decides to change their life for the better.

Disclaimers:

This blog content is for informational purposes only and does not substitute for professional therapy